I Resolve to Take More Naps in 2019

I quit my day job in the summer of 2017 because the stress was making me miserable. I transitioned from office manager to virtual assistant and VA to writer in the first 6 months and quickly found minor success. From there, I spent every day chasing leads and writing for pennies per word. I read the books, took the courses, and did the #hustling that Gary Vee tells me will make me better.

I found some mild success.

And I was miserable.

Proud? Yes, but mostly tired and miserable; a fact which was made fully apparent during those long, grey days between Christmas and the new year when we all do our navel-gazing and reflect on the year. I was ashamed by the realization. I’m living my dream! I get to call myself a writer and work in pajamas and hang out with my dogs and children all day while my husband works long hours in a custom door shop— shouldn’t I just shut up and be happy?

The images we see on our social media feed, a laptop on a white coffee table in a spotless living room, those are false. They might be someone’s reality, but it sure wasn’t mine. The “laptop life” for me meant that I was chained to it. Clients emailed me at all hours of the day or, worse, texted me. They demanded my time and my energy when it was convenient for them. And I, desperate for income and success, let them. I answered those texts. I gave away my expertise and ideas for free. I responded to “Urgent!!!” emails and direct messages sent at 11 p.m. I accepted last-minute projects without adding on a rush fee, even though it meant missing out on things.

It was more than that. All the money I made was funneled back into my business. I didn’t have time or money to waste on things or experiences for myself. The freelance life is hard and, despite success, my family struggled financially. Every free moment was spent searching the #jobopp tag on Facebook and sending cold emails. I lived a desperate life; stuck in the scarcity mindset that whispers “Stay visible, keep hustling, go, go, go; or you’ll fail and be forgotten.”

I took every job, even the ones that offered me one cent per word, because I wanted so desperately to succeed.

So, yeah, miserable. 2018 was hard.

But now it’s 2019. I’m a week into the new year and a month away from my 30th birthday and I’ve decided that, this year, I’m changing how I do resolutions. I’m resolving to make myself happy. Fifty-two things, one each week, that I do just for me, guilt-free.

More naps, more books, more writing, more painting, more free time.

In 2019, I’m implementing office hours. I’m turning down jobs that refuse to pay me what I’m worth. I’m turning down companies that don’t align with my core values of inclusivity, accessibility, and positivity.

I’m taking my life back and living it the way I want to live it, not the way that all the #BossBabe photos and Gary Vee tell me I should.

Most importantly, I’m going to stop apologizing for living my life the way I want to live it.

Happy 2019, homies. Let’s kick ass…

And take some damn naps.